Talking to Machines

BACKGROUND

     Today people are fascinated by the artificial intelligence of the machines that enable them to interact with people trying to mimic as close as possible the human's reactions and providing near logical responses to conversations with them. This artificial intelligence has already been put into good use by Apple when they introduced Siri. I know most people nowadays of who or what is Siri. So let me introduce you to two more AI that will let you talk to machines, cleverbot and Evie.

CLEVERBOT
Cleverbot's homepage.

     Cleverbot is a web service which allows you to talk to a computer program. The program tries to learn from the context of the words you are giving it and provide you with a response that will seem like a you are actually chatting to a human. Unlike Siri, the service is at the time of this writing limited to conversational purposes and plain fun.

Cleverbot can even answer Filipino statements.

     The interface is very simple. Just type your statement on the textbox then hit enter or click "Think about it!". You can also make cleverbot talk for you by pressing "Think for me!. The chat stream is only visible for up to four lines so if you want to review everything you have talked about, click "Thoughts so far" to see the chat log.

A log of random chat with cleverbot.

Try cleverbot yourself:

EVIE (Electronic Virtual Interactive Entity)
Evie's homepage.

     Evie is much more like cleverbot but aside from presenting a text based response, Evie also talks. She also displays facial expressions as you type and reacts to the statements you say to her.

Just like cleverbot, she doesn't know Siri.

Evie talking to another Evie:

A Good Story

     A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure out how to fix the engine. Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was young. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom. Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!

A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.
"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"
So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."
The man sent a bill that read:

Tapping with a hammer...... ......... ........ $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap.......... ......... ...... $ 9,998.00

Mga Salawikain (The programmers' way)

Pag may tiyaga, may nilaga.

if (tiyaga.isEmpty) {nilaga.setEmpty( );}

Kung ano ang puno, sya rin ang bunga.

public class Bunga extends Puno

Nasa huli ang pagsisisi.

while(!EOF() ) {
    pagsisisi = false;
}
pagsisisi = true;

Pagkahaba-haba man ng prusisyon, sa simbahan pa rin ang tuloy.

for(int i=0; i <= n; i++){if(i=n) {Prusisyon[ i] = "Simbahan";} )

Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, daig pa ang hayop at malansang isda.

if (x.wika.isMahal( ) == false){
    isda.setMalansa = true;
    x > hayop;
    x > isda;
}

Maliit man ang butas, lumalaki.

while(butas < Long.MAX_VALUE) {
    butas++;
}

Anuman ang gagawin, makapitong isipin.

for (int i=1;i<=7;i++) {
   think();
}

Habang may buhay, may pag-asa.

while(alive) {
}
hope = 0;

Aanhin pa ang damo pag patay na ang kabayo?

public class Kabayo {
    private boolean isAlive;    
    public void feed(Object damo) {
        if(isAlive == false) {
            throw new RuntimeException( "Aanhin ko yang " + damo + "? Patay na ako eh.");
        } else {
            digest(damo) ;
        }
    }
}

Combo: Habang may buhay, may pag-asa.+ Kung gusto, maraming paraan; kung ayaw, maraming dahilan.

buhay = true;
do {
    pagasa = 1;  
    if(gusto == true)
        paraan++;
    else
        dahilan++;       
    buhay = isAlive(); // check if still alive       
} while(buhay) ;
pagasa = 0;

Habang maikli ang kumot, matutong mamaluktot.

while(kumot. length < person.height) {
    person.setPosition( "baluktot" );
}

Oo, inaamin ko, sila ay mga yakal, lawaan, apitong at narra, at kami ay saging lang. Pero maghanap kayo ng puno sa buong Pilipinas, saging lang ang may puso. Saging lang ang may puso!

Puno markLapid = new Saging();
markLapid.setMayPuso(true);
Puno[] philippineTrees = {new Yakal(), new Lawaan(), new Apitong(), new Narra(), markLapid};
for (Puno tree : philippineTrees) {
   if (tree.mayPuso( )) {
      System.out.println( "May puso!");
   } else {
      System.out.println( "Walang puso.");
   }
}

Nasa tao ang gawa nasa Diyos ang awa.

public class Tao {
    public void gawa() {
        ...
    }
}
public class Diyos {
    public boolean awa(Tao tao) {
        ...
    }
}

Ang taong nagigipit, sa patalim man ay kumakapit.

public class Tao {
    private boolean nagigipit;
    private boolean mayPatalim;    
    public void kapitPatalim( ) {
        if(nagigipit) {
            mayPatalim = true;
        }
    }
}

Cool Corporate Lessons

CORPORATE LESSON 1

     A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.

     When she opens the door, there stands Bob the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on"

     After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time, with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

CORPORATE LESSON 2

     A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!"says the admin clerk "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. Poof! She's gone.

     In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas, and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

     OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

CORPORATE LESSON 3

     A crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high

up.

CORPORATE LESSON 4

     A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of story:

Bullsh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

CORPORATE LESSON 5

     A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realise how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

     A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of story:

1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy

2) Not everyone who gets you out of the sh!t is your friend.

3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut

Source: Forwarded Email

Mga Dapat Tandaan Bago Mag Suicide

I. Bago ang lahat, alamin muna ang tamang dahilan ng pagsu-suicide.. Kung ang problema mo ay dahil lang sa iniwan ka ng minamahal mo, di ka dapat magpatiwakal! Hello?! Ang mundo ay tambak ng mga tao na pwede mong mahalin kaya di ka dapat mawalan ng pag asa.

II. Ngunit kung desidido ka na sa gagawin mo at sa tingin mo ay meron kang tamang dahilan para gawin ito, ang sunod mong gagawin ay ang pagpili ng paraan nito. Ang mga popular na paraan ay ang pagbigti, paginom ng lason, paglaslas, pagbaril sa sarili at pagpigil ng hininga. (Note: 1. Tandaan na maari ka pang mabuhay pag nagkamali ka sa pagsasagawa ng mga nabanggit, kaya pumili lamang ng isa na hiyang sayo.) (Note: 2. Alalahaning dyahe kung pagtitinginan ng mga tao ang mukha mo sa ataul na mukha kang dehydrated na langaw.)

III. Sumulat ng suicide note. Eto ang exciting! Dito mo pwedeng sisihin lahat ng tao, at wala silang magagawa! Sabihin mo na di mo gustong tapusin ang iyong buhay kaso lang badtrip silang lahat! Pero wag ding kalimutang humingi ng tawad sa bandang huli para mas cool. (Note: Tandaan na importanteng gumawa ng suicide note para malaman ng tao na nagsuicide ka at hndi na-murder! Sa ganitong paraan maiiwasan ng PNP ang pagkuha sa kalye ng kahit sinong tambay para gawing suspect.)

IV. Pumili ng themesong. Banggitin ang iyong special request sa suicide note at ibilin na patugtugin sa libing. (Note: Iwasan ang mga kanta ng Salbakutah! Jologs!! Dapat mejo mellow at meaningful.. para gayahin ng iba!)

V. Isulat ng maayos ang suicide note. Print. Iwasan ang bura. Lagdaan. (Note: Ilagay ang suicide note sa lugar kung saan madaling makita. Idikit sa noo!)

VI. Planuhin ang isusuot. Isang beses ka lang mamatay kaya dapat memorable ang get-up. Pumili ng telang di umuurong o makati sa katawan.

VII. Magpareserve ng de-kalidad na kabaong. Maganda ang kulay na puti, mukhang komportable. Huwag magtipid.

VIII. Pumili na rin ng magandang pwesto sa sementeryo. Pumili ng di masikip. (Note: Kung ikaw ay nabibilang sa Year of the rat, Dragon, rabbit, tiger, beef or monster. Wag na mamili ng lilibingan sapagkat ang mga nabibilang sa taon na ito ay dapat i-cremate at gawing foot powder,, para gumaan ang pasok ng pera sa mga naiwan.)

IX. Itaon ang araw ng iyong pagsu-suicide sayong favorite number sa calendar para masaya!

X. Kung naplano mo na lahat-lahat, Mag isip ng mabuti at paulit-ulit! Isipin na ang gagawin mo ay hindi kanais-nais at lubhang makasalanan! Pero pag desidido ka talaga…

Good luck!

Source: Forwared email.

Note: This post is for humor purposes only, please dont take seriously.